Quiz: Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

Habitual lateness. Extreme disorganization. Not following up sales leads. Self-sabotage takes on a variety of guises and affects people of all ages, professions and economic levels. But it always leads to our not living the life we want for ourselves. Take this Self-Quiz to see whether you might be working against yourself in some areas.

1. It takes me at least a half hour to locate a document I need to send to someone.

2. I can be indecisive and fearful; as a result, chances often pass me by.

3. I tend to start projects with great gusto, but have great difficulty finishing them.

4. My financial situation is chronically chaotic.

5. My actions often jeopardize my relationships, my job and/or my financial stability.

6. I worry a lot about what others think of me.

7. I tend to give in to compulsive behaviors to overeat or partake excessively in unhealthy substances or activities.

8. I seem to be always struggling.

9. I’ve been told I have a problem expressing anger appropriately.

10. I often put off the things I need and want to do. Procrastination and reliability are problems for me.

11. I’m still not living the life I truly want, and I’m starting to lose hope that I ever will.

12. When I really want to do something, I frequently have the thought that I can’t or shouldn’t do it.

13. My relationships tend to eventually fall apart, or I stay in unhealthy relationships.

14. When I think about working out, I immediately start thinking about all the other things I “should” be doing instead. Exercise rarely wins.

15. I’m often late to work and late with assignments; this has hurt my career.

16. I avoid confrontation and/or fawn over others in order to be liked and win their favor.

17. I repeatedly make self-deprecating, belittling comments about myself.

18. I know I have the potential to do more with my life, if I could just get out of my own way.

Self-defeating behaviors often mask a fear of change and growing; when we deliberately hamper our own efforts, we get to avoid the knowledge that our life is up to us, and that we do, indeed, get to choose. Just imagine the life we could be having if we put as much energy and creativity into manifesting our goals as we do avoiding them. It’s not easy to change self-sabotaging patterns, but with time and practice—and a good dose of self-love—it is possible to end a self-defeating cycle and live the life we truly want for ourselves.

Yellow Brick Road Coaching, LLC used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
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Procrastination—Everyone Talks About It, but Nobody Does Anything

Imagine the space this article fills as blank.

Imagine the time and energy it might have taken someone who procrastinates to:

1) think about doing the article,

2) put it on a list of “to dos,”

3) talk about doing it,

4) promise to start it tomorrow,

5) promise to definitely start it tomorrow,

6) promise…well, you get the point.

As the deadline for the article draws near (it’s midnight the night before the article is due), imagine the stress the writer must feel as he or she brews a pot of coffee and sets up for a couple of hours to research the topic, organize the information, create an outline, come up with a dynamite opening line, write the article, rewrite the article, rewrite it again, print it out and rewrite it one more time. And, of course, the whole time he or she is beating their self-up for waiting so long to start and telling their self they’re not good at this job anyway and the article will be a bust.

This is procrastination in full, weedy flower. Delay. Broken promises and unfulfilled expectations. Feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Worry. Fear. Stress. Overwork and probably not as good an end product as the writer would have produced if they’d tackled the job in a timely, reasonable, professional manner.

Procrastination isn’t good for anyone, anytime. So why do so many do it? Not just around such matters as filing income tax and completing holiday shopping, but with everyday tasks such as cleaning off the desk or straightening up the garage or starting a project at work.

The more difficult, inconvenient or scary the task is perceived to be, the more procrastinators procrastinate. They come up with semi-convincing self-talk that makes the delay appear reasonable, but in the end it’s a self-defeating behavior that causes all sorts of problems, not the least of which is stress.

Following are a few remedies to overcome procrastination:

1. Set goals. Decide what you want and what needs to happen to get it. Be specific. Create a realistic timetable.

2. Commit. Make a contract with yourself. Tell a friend or co-worker or family member your plan. Ask for help when you need it.

3. Set priorities. Make a list of things that need to be done in order of their importance.

4. Get organized. Have the right tools and equipment to do the job. Make lists. Keep a schedule.

5. Think small. Don’t let the whole of the project overwhelm you. Stay in the present and do what you are doing.

6. Break tasks into parts. The “Swiss cheese” approach to getting any major project completed is to break it apart and work on one piece at a time. Reward yourself when you complete one step.

7. Use positive self-talk.

8. Replace excuses with rational, realistic thinking.

9. Realize there is no such thing as perfection. Begin the thing knowing it can never be done perfectly. You’ll do your best. You always do.

10. Reward yourself. Often and generously for accomplishing the smallest of tasks. Celebrate. Pat yourself on the back. Enjoy your accomplishment.

Like many other self-defeating behaviors, procrastination can be overcome. The place to begin is where you are.

The time to start is now. Be sure to register for my upcoming webinar/workshop: Overcoming Procrastination: The Art of Getting Things Done Now!

 

Yellow Brick Road Coaching, LLC used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

 

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It’s Okay to Be Selfish in Order to Become Selfless

Jill was running late. She only had a little time on her lunch break to run an errand for her significant other before returning to work to finish a big project she’d delayed until the last-minute.

She parked outside the post office. When she returned, her car was pinned in by another vehicle and she couldn’t get out. She sat on the curb and waited. Twenty minutes later an elderly man returned to the car blocking Jill’s. Jill shouted “Hello!” but the man got in his car and pulled away without saying a word.

Jill returned late to the office. She knew she’d have to work overtime to finish her work. She stared out the window cursing herself for procrastinating on this project. She looked at the files on her desk, feeling overwhelmed by all the work ahead of her. Still, she couldn’t manage to get started. She felt angry.

Then the phone rang. It was Jill’s significant other asking if she’d run the errands she’d asked. She shared what had happened that day. Her significant other empathized then made her promise to do one thing, no matter how small, for herself: order a healthy meal, take a walk in the park, or listen to some music before she started working. Jill agreed. She thanked her for understanding, for her kind advice, and hung up. She looked at the files and thought, “I can handle this, but first…” She smiled, grabbed her coat and headed out for a walk. Her significant other was right, she deserved to take better care of herself, and she resolved to do just that.

We all do it – We say ‘yes’ to others and ‘no’ to ourselves, add too many things to our calendar, neglect our mind, body and spirit, and beat ourselves up over our own limitations and mistakes.

How about you? Are you taking better care of others than yourself? Do you put others’ needs ahead of your own and push your desires off to ‘another day’? Do you burn the candle at both ends to the point where you feel you have nothing left to give?

This is a common problem we all face. But the fact is that when we take care of ourselves, our work becomes easier and less stressful, we are more content, and we feel happier, healthier, and are more engaged in life. And here’s the kicker – it doesn’t take much to achieve this feeling. It simply requires a small amount of consistent ‘me time’ each day. It could be as simple as a 20-minute meditation, a 30-minute workout, or some quiet time to read your favorite book. Out of 24 hours in a day – 1,440 minutes – can you commit to sometime just for yourself?

You deserve as much care and compassion for yourself that you show to the people in your life. What one action of self-care will you take for yourself today?

Learn more about my upcoming workshop on January 30th: Lighting Your Fire: Sparking Your Inner Motivation to Achieve Your Goals!

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What Do You Want?

“Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.” ~ Einstein.

Some people have clarity of purpose. You can see it in their behavior, attitude, and results. But for others (you may know someone like this), they have nothing more than a fuzzy idea of what they want for today, tomorrow or next week.

Many people struggle to come up with a coherent answer when they are asked the big question: What do you really want out of your life, long-term?

Do you know what you want?

Some standard responses include: “I’m not sure,” or, “I live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself.” Some people have a restrained version of their ambitions because they are afraid to think too big, as they may fail or be criticized.

If Einstein is right, then that’s exactly what they will experience: uncertainty, random results and unfulfilled aspirations.

It’s often a struggle to take initiative and have enthusiasm for our goals if we’ve lost touch with the life we really want to live. Here are several tricks to help you get back in touch with the life you want for your life.

1. Heal the past. It’s tough to move ahead when you’re anchored to the past. Letting go of the old, untrue stories we tell ourselves and others is the key that can release us from our limiting beliefs. Healing the past acts as a springboard for releasing ourselves to pursue a meaningful future.

2. Know thyself. Taking a self-inventory of our skills, abilities and interests rekindles our enthusiasm for the desires we may have forgotten. It helps us confirm and/or rediscover our true avocation.

3. Be bold in thinking, not hasty in action. If hasty decisions or thinking small got you to where you are now perhaps it’s time for a change. Maybe it’s a total about face – leaving a career or relationship for something new. Or maybe it’s just re-imagining your current situation. For example, if you’re a journalist, instead of quitting writing try your hand at a novel. Or if you love to cook, take cooking classes and consider catering or working as a chef.

We all get to choose our own reality; self-assurance vs. uncertainty, intentional effort vs. random results, and contentment over our accomplishments vs. unfulfilled aspirations.

Facing the past, getting to know yourself, and taking action can feel unfamiliar and even a bit scary at first. But once you make the effort, you’ll find clarity and discover what it is you really want. By doing so, as Einstein suggests, the universe will respond in kind.

What reality do you want for your life?

Learn more about my upcoming workshop Lighting Your Fire: Sparking Your Inner Motivation to Achieve Your Goals!

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What Motivates You?

In the movie Cast Away Tom Hanks’ character, Chuck Noland, is marooned on an isolated island. He manages to stay alive sleeping in a cave, and eating raw fish and coconuts. For three long years he deals with emotional ups and downs, multiple injuries, the blistering sun, and terrible storms.

With rescue more unlikely with each passing day, why did Chuck Noland choose survival? He could have just given up. But Chuck persevered because of his desire to see his fiancé again. That’s the drive that kept him alive.

While few of us will ever be faced with such extreme survival situations, we do have one thing in common – we’re all motivated to do what it takes to get what we want if we want it bad enough. Whether that’s to be reunited with a loved one, getting that job promotion, or satisfying that craving for an ice cream sundae, we instinctively set our eyes on the goal and take the steps necessary to get there.

What is Motivation?

Motivation is that driving force that initiates and pushes us to take action in order to achieve something. Often times it feels instinctive, internally driven, like there is something inside of us pushing us to move forward.

In his book, Drive, author Daniel Pink suggests three elements that drive us to do our best work:

Autonomy.
This is the urge to be self-directed. We do the work because we’re engaged, not because we’re told to. Self-directed people have buy-in to the bigger purpose.

Mastery.
It’s human nature to want to be better at doing things. Take playing guitar for example. For most, there is no recording contract in our future. We do it for fun and the challenge and satisfaction of improving our skill and technique.

Purpose.
Connecting to a cause bigger than ourselves fuels our deepest motivations. People want to believe in what they do and who they’re doing it for.

On the island, Chuck was self-directed, he needed to master skills to survive, and his purpose was to see his fiancé again.

What’s your reason and desire for keeping on track with your goals? What concrete steps are willing to take right now to improve your autonomy, mastery or purpose?

Watch for details on my upcoming workshop Lighting Your Fire: Sparking Your Inner Motivation to Achieve Your Goals!

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The Importance of Empathy

The holidays are here! No doubt, shopping is taking up the majority of your free time. Toys, clothes, gaming systems, TVs, speakers, and more stuff are getting crossed off your list.

Did you know that there may be a scientific reason for your love of giving?

Following two studies, scientists recently suggested that our brains actually encourage us to act more like Buddy the Elf and less like the Grinch.

In the first study, researchers sought to identify connections between kind behavior and brain activity; while, in the other, scientists reduced activity in areas of the brain associated with impulse control, to determine if a person’s empathetic actions were altered. At the end of both studies, researchers concluded that empathy and generosity guide human behavior more than selfishness.

Empathy, not to be confused with sympathy, is walking a mile in another person’s shoes. In order to be empathetic, you must actively engage with a person’s emotional experience, opening yourself up to the vulnerability of your own emotions. Practicing empathy will help you increase and solidify your social connections, as well as cultivate your understanding of others.

Here are a few ways to develop your sense of empathy:

Validate Others’ Emotions

Acknowledging how another person feels can go a long way. It lets a person know that what they feel is real, that it’s okay to have these feelings, and gives them a safe space to discuss what’s going on in their life – whether good or bad.

Be Comfortable Sitting in Silence

Many people feel awkward when they sit in silence with another person, especially since our society constantly tries to fill the silence with games, noises, and other distractions. In order to become more empathetic, find your comfort level with silence. When you are speaking with another person who is having difficulty finding the words, silence can create a space for the person to think for a moment.

Meditate on Compassion

A University of Wisconsin-Madison study found that we can rewire our brains to be more empathetic through compassion meditation, which has you wish good things for others during your practice.

Spend Time Helping Other People

Volunteering increases empathy, which in turn increases life satisfaction. Enhancing the lives of others helps us to keep the well-being of all people in the front of our minds.

Be an Active Listener

Active listening requires listening to each word, recognizing the emotions behind the words, and providing constructive feedback, whereas passive listening allows a person to “hear” and react on cue. Active listening encourages us to tune in, thus allowing for deeper connections. The more you practice, the better you will be able to read a person’s emotions.

How do you practice empathy in your daily life?

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The Benefits of Living a Life with Intention

I think it’s reasonable to say that everyone desires to be happy and successful. Happiness and success look like different things to different people, and everyone will have a different opinion on how to get there. Some may assume that accomplishments just fall into the laps of the successful; but, those who achieve know goal setting is a fundamental component to their success because they had a concrete plan to meet their objective. While goal setting is an immensely valuable skill, it is future-focused, leaving little time to live in the moment.

Intentions, on the other hand, are desires and affirmations meant to keep you in the present, empowering you to accomplish great things throughout the day. Setting a daily intention will enable you to align your beliefs and values to the possibilities of now, leading to a happier, authentic life.

The great thing about intentions is there are no rules around creating them, but here are the benefits and practices that may work well for you.

Intentions are Limitless
The beauty of intentions is you can change them every day. Perhaps today you intend to focus on your family and tomorrow you will direct your energy into creating a fantastic presentation.

Intentions are Bigger than Goals
Goals are what you want to achieve. Intentions are who you want to be while achieving your goals.

Intentions Can Increase Your Effectiveness
Setting intentions cultivates a positive mindset, which can lead to increased energy levels and productivity. Give into positive thoughts and feel the buzz of energy!

Intentions Take Your Mind Off of Problems
If you are having a bad day, setting an intention can refocus your energies into something positive. Purposefully focusing on only positive thoughts puts the power of change directly into your hands.

Intentions Build Awareness
We’re all busy, but there are 24 hours in a day; so, take ten minutes to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee or watch the sunset. Be present in each moment and take the time to enjoy the simple pleasures life throws at you.

Intentions Can Include Global Contributions
The state of the world is a little crazy, and we all want to do our part to make the world a happier place. Set an intention to make a difference, no matter how small, because the tiniest change can lead to the biggest difference. In fact, just saying it out loud could result in wondrous things!

Intentions can have a powerful impact on your life. How has setting them helped you?

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Seeking a Well-Lived Life: Happiness is Only Half of It


A long time ago, people were happy with the right to vote, the right to worship freely, a little food in their bellies, and roof over their heads. As the years have progressed and society has become more consumer-driven, it takes a lot more to make people “happy.” New cars, the latest smart phones and electronics, fashionable clothing, and other things are what people want – convinced the latest trinket will finally bring them what they’ve been searching for.

If you ask a handful of successful people whether the stuff and money they have makes them happy, most will probably answer no. Rather it’s the moments in life that make it so rewarding: working hard on a project and meeting your goals, watching your children grow up, helping someone when they need it most. These are the instances that we will look back on and smile about.

So, should happiness be the only goal that motivates us?

Before we can answer that question, we must first define happiness.

Happiness is when all of your needs and desires are being met with little effort. It may surprise some of you, but happiness is often associated with selfish behavior – a taking mindset, rather than a giving one – a fleeting moment of hedonism.

Traditional wisdom would advise against seeking a life that is solely pleasurable, because you will end up stressed, aggravated, in a constant state of pursuit, and… unhappy. Today’s wisdom, however, blatantly advocates for the pursuit of happiness. Like marathons, it’s become a trendy fixation people need to pursue. There are Facebook challenges and a plethora of books for sale on Amazon, like The Happiness Project, all designed to help you be “happy.”

But are these books providing an outline to be happy or an outline for a meaningful life? Happiness without meaning is a shallow, egocentric way to live. Unlike happiness, a meaningful life is a giving one and stems from contributing to society and serving others.

And back to my original question: should happiness be our sole motivation?

Meeting your own needs will only get you so far. Real “happiness” – those moments that you replay in your head – come from a balance of fulfilling your own needs, but recognizing when they’ve been met so you can help others. It’s a give and take, rather than one or the other.

To cultivate happiness and meaning in your life, here are a few tips:

Find Your Passion

Joy creeps into your life when you do something you love. Finding a way to share your passions with the world will give your life meaning, while bringing happiness to yourself.

Be Compassionate

Compassion happens when we open ourselves to the anguish of others. It is a way of looking beyond our own needs, to those of others. When in doubt remember what the Dalai Lama said:

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”

Focus on Your Relationships

Reconnect with your friends from college, call your mom, brother or aunt to have a chat, hug your spouse and/or your children. When the people in your life feel loved and cared about, they’ll begin to share that with other people, and eventually it will come full circle back to you.

Do you live a meaningful life? What do you do to ensure your life is both meaningful and happy?

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Three Myths About Networking During The Summer

Do you let your business die in the summer because everyone is on vacation? Fewer networking events throughout the summer should not stop you from building relationships because everyone is away. While it’s true summer is more relaxed, so too can your networking, meaning more casual, not less productive. Guest blogger Terri O’Donnell (PCC,CPCC) talks about three myths about summer networking. 

Myth 1: “Everyone” is away on vacation.

I promise you if you’re in sales and have a quota; those excuses won’t hold water with your manager/boss. If you’re a small business owner, your business will die on the vine if you stop growing your business. Instead, summertime is a great time to develop some new connections and deepen current ones because it can be more relaxed. My experience is if you’re a work-from-home business, you may fall into the trap of a self-imposed slump if you choose not to make other arrangements with your kids during the summer.

Instead, use the summer months to connect with your LinkedIn contacts. Are you connected to over 1,000 people in LinkedIn like I am? Do you know every one of them? Certainly not. When is the last time you looked through your connections and reached out to them personally with the expectation to learn more about them? Be strategic and sort through those individuals in your contact sphere first and reach out for a coffee, breakfast, lunch or a Zoom or Google Hangout meeting. Beware; not everyone is a fan of using technology this way.

Myth 2:  Everyone in my neighborhood is either at the pool, baseball game, swim meet or BBQ.

Summer means chillaxing with family and friends. While this is true, do you completely stop thinking about your work?  Instead, think local and take the time to get to know those in your community. In other words, go to these events and be intentional about meeting new people or discussing your passion with other moms and dads at those events. You’ll be making new connections that may not typically be on your radar during other months. Plus, you may be surprised who knows whom while learning more about what they do. Again, because it’s more casual the guard of “talking about business” is more relaxed during the summer.

Myth 3: Networking organizations and opportunities are not available during the summer.

Yes, some networking opportunities are not available. That is true. When a networking opportunity does avail itself, say YES. Perhaps it’s an event that you can’t make throughout the year because you’re typically too busy. It’s the perfect opportunity to meet some new people with whom you may share your passion.

Remember, networking can and does happen anywhere at any time. Be intentional and make the most of the summer and have some fun while doing so.

–Terri has helped business professionals and small business owners transition through life changes and challenges with ease. Her complimentary, confidential, exploratory coaching call is a great start plus you’ll walk away with a great assessment tool.

Yellow Brick Road Coaching, LLC   267-415-6750 terri@yellowbrickroadcoaching.com

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Did You Choose Your Yellow Brick Road?

Follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. Follow, follow, follow, follow…

Wouldn’t it be great if we had a path laid out for us and a catchy little ditty to remember where we need to go?

Yes, it would! Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Every day we are faced with choices; some huge, like whether to accept responsibility for a big project at work, which could have an incredible impact on our career; others kind of mundane like choosing between a turkey sandwich and a salad for lunch or taking an alternate route home from the gym.

When it comes to the big questions, how do you know which route to take? For some people, these decisions come easy; while, for others they can be gut-wrenching torture. Unfortunately, for the latter, there is no road map; but that doesn’t mean you can’t find your way.

When you’ve decided you want to get the most out of life, you’re embarking on a journey of personal growth.This transformational process will allow you to focus your attention inward, evaluate your desires, and improve your physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, social, and/or financial health.

Since personal growth is, well, personal, there is no exact path to achieve it. It’s different for each person, depending on his or her values, wants, hopes, desires, etc. It’s really up to you how your journey unfolds.

I do, however, have some pointers to get you started in the right direction:

Start by evaluating your current state. Assess your strengths, weaknesses, and habits (both good and bad). Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do I like where I am in life?

  • Am I getting the results I want?

  • Do I wish my life was better?

  • Where am I struggling?

  • Where do I see the greatest need for improvement?

Examine your desires. Ask yourself:

  • What do I want out of life?
  • What makes me happy?

  • What would I love to spend my time doing?

  • What story have I been telling to myself and to others?

Make a game plan to achieve your goals. Determine what you need to learn and do in order to get closer to your desired self.

Create a plausible timeline. This is an ABSOLUTE MUST if you want to achieve your goal.

  • Make a list of activities and tasks you intend to complete within a certain timeframe.

  • Use these as milestones on the way to your goal.

Personal growth can be an arduous journey. Sometimes the path will be easy and other times you will stumble over rocks on the yellow brick road. But, if you want to become the best you you can be, then you must keep going. You are in charge of your life and only you can choose where you’ll end up. Make a decision, here and now, that you won’t succumb to the road blocks.

Have you had a personal growth experience?

What advice would you give to someone working to better themselves?

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